When I started in the games industry I was naïve. I thought it was a meritocracy, that we all had a chance at success. We didn’t.

As the years passed, I saw more and more (and younger) men pass me by, getting the jobs, having a much easier time of it.

A man would never have to prove he knew what he was talking about. I would, over and over. A man would never have to justify his existence in the office. I would.

What has hurt the most though, is not having to constantly field the distrust and questions around competency. It’s about all those times when I could have used an ally, and there were none. All those times when a man could have spoken up for me, and never did. When I and my career needed someone to speak up, but they were silent.

Allyship is not just about belief. It is also about sacrifice and risk. I wish men would see that. But in my experience, the thing to expect is silence and maybe a sad e-mail about “I wish I could have learned more from you” or “can we still keep in touch and be friends?”.

  1. If a woman, Black, Asian, Latino, indigenous, trans or non-binary person in your workplace is being treated unfairly and you see it, speak up.1
  2. Put a stop to sexist, transphobic, or homophobic jokes, even when someone who might feel uncomfortable around them aren’t in the room. The thing is, you don’t know if they are.
  3. Open your mouth and support women, Black, Asian, Latino, indigenous, trans or non-binary persons in meetings.
  4. Support women, Black, Asian, Latino, indigenous, trans or non-binary persons when talking to HR.
  5. Dare to be uncomfortable when talking to leads.
  6. Protest unfair wages.
  7. Question your promotion if your promotion and position comes at the cost of that of a woman, Black, Asian, Latino, indigenous, trans or non-binary person.
  8. Ask uncomfortable questions about diversity and men to underrepresented groups ratios at your company.
  9. At least try to find a person from an underrepresented group when you start a new company. Try.
  10. Question all male interview panels.
  11. Question all male project leadership.
  12. Question discussions around women, Black, Asian, Latino, indigenous, trans or non-binary persons “attitudes” and see if there’s a real issue or just a tone of voice argument.
  13. Praise women, Black, Asian, Latino, indigenous, trans or non-binary persons who are competent to other men.
  14. Do not let trash talk about emotionality stand.
  15. Protest women, Black, Asian, Latino, indigenous, trans or non-binary persons leaving the company. You can’t afford them leaving.

I’m honestly hurt by the complacency of so called allies. If you want to be a real ally it might cost you. But it will always cost the person you’re allied with more, and even more if you don’t speak up.

  1. You can totally reach out to the person who is being treated unfairly, but tell a producer or a lead or someone in charge as well.