I’ve been slowly finding my way back to the joy I feel when analysing and thinking about both games and design.
One of my areas of interest right now is monsters, particularly monsters in game, and because I’m a woman, female monsters in games. I’ve been reading Haraway, Butler and Kristeva, in addition to a bunch of books about cinema and cinematic monsters, which is why you’ll read a lot about the Abject here.
I’m trying to figure out what scares us and hold that is connected to the monsters and creatures we see in games.
The biggest revelation I’ve had so far is how much I enjoy doing this kind of research. I actually knew i did enjoy it previously as well, but depression and stress put a hard stop to it.
I enjoy thinking, and particularly I enjoy thinking about games.
I hardly think my conclusions will change anything, and I’m not presumptuous enough to believe that they’re very radical, but I’m having fun, and it’s been a long time since I had been.
Might as well enjoy it while it lasts.