For those of you who don’t know, aren’t aware or tend to assume otherwise, what I write here on my blog, on twitter and on facebook are my own views and opinions. I have never, and will most likely not ever, represented any company that I’ve worked for when I’ve put my pen to paper (well, keyboard to blogpost), held talks and lectures or in any other way spoken my mind.
It’s not because I don’t want to, but usually* my views are not the same as the people – or should I say men? – in charge. Hence this disclaimer.
I’ve never sought attention or fame (or for that matter notoriety) for myself**. What I’ve always wanted, however, is to be treated as “one of the boys”. Well, not really. What I have always wanted is to be acknowledged for my competence and skill, not continously questioned and undermined. I want to be able to make mistakes and learn from them, instead of carefully constructing stuff that will hold up to every scrutiny, and when it doesn’t, being judged and defined by the mistakes I make. In short, I want to be able to do a good job without having to fight for that right.
When newspapers, radio, schools and institutions call to ask me to write articles, hold lectures and talks and make statements, I do it because of that. Because I want to be able to do a good job, without having to fight for it. That is the change that I want to happen, and it is purely egotistical. Well, maybe not. It would do me a lot of good to know that I’ve actually made a difference, that those of us who are not the standard 1A employee of the gaming industry are actually included without having to fight for it.
But I can honestly say, that in that struggle, in my struggle, I have never represented the companies I work for (with a very scant few exceptions) and most likely I never will.
To be fair, the companies I’ve worked for have never represented me either (again with a very scant few exceptions). So I guess that makes us even.***
* I can think of a few exceptions. Well, maybe two. Well, one. (say it with a 10th Doctor inflection and you get my drift)
** Some of you will most likely scoff at this and say that I’ve had a choice and all that fame (or notoriety) is probably all very welcome. Well. Believe what you want, but I can honestly say that I’ve NEVER asked to be in the spotlight. Everyone that’s ever contacted me, be it radio, newspapers or whatever, have reached out to me. I’ve never sought the spotlight. But I do tend to speak my mind, and that brings it’s own set of problems. And fame/ notoriety.
*** Oh, apart from the fact that I’m just one person with very little power (who by the way risks her job future by being so obstinate as to point out that everyone should have equal opportunity) and the companies have money, power, connections… And they also decide who to hire, so… well… Even.