Right now, a reckoning is shaking the games industry and culture. Predators are being called out, and I can only think of Flemeth when she pours out her pain to Morrigan and the Inquisitor.
She was betrayed as I was betrayed as the world was betrayed!
Sometimes it takes a character in a game to express all the anger and pain that has accumulated over years and years and years of being seen as something less, something not worth having a voice, some thing less.
My self-esteem has been crushed so many times, I have no idea how I’m still functioning as a professional designer. I’m filled with so much self doubt that every time someone tells me I’m wrong I don’t even question it, I just agree from the moment they tell me.
I have never been sexually harassed, but that’s probably because I’m not very pretty. I have however been belittled, patronised, ignored, bullied, practically in every way been told that I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t strong enough, I wasn’t enough. And because I am a woman, I will never be.
The reckoning that is currently happening, I hope it leads somewhere. But I’ve been in the industry long enough that I don’t think it’ll change a thing, because change is painful and it requires self reflection and introspection and all of those things are things that the industry is usually very bad at.
This is most likely why Flemeth’s forceful accusation rings so true for me, why I cry every time she pours out her anger and bitterness for the Inquisitor to see. And every time I ask myself the same questions as I’m asking you.
Why was it okay that one of your peers was being treated like shit, and you just let it happen? Why was HR on the side of the bullies? Where was MY protection? Why didn’t you care about me? Why was it always him?
Why did you let this happen? Why do you keep letting it happen?
2020-06-29 at 11:36
Thank you for your post. I was fired from EA a few years ago because I stood up for myself and my team. I had a voice and I couldn’t help but use it when I saw things were being mismanaged and teams were being negatively impacted as a result. I tried to find help and support but it wasn’t there for me. When I told other women I was friends with at the studio they were empathetic because they also felt belittled and disrespected regularly. Sadly those women and myself were unable to make meaningful change. I wish the men around me understood the distress I dealt with on a daily basis – all nighters, panic attacks, nightmare, etc. I wonder though, would they care if they knew? They had daughters.. so how could they not care?