Perhaps you’ve noticed that I’ve been more quiet than usual over the last couple of years here at discordia. I’m trying to change that. In part by writing my blog posts in bulk (surprisingly this works better than I thought) but also by trying to get rid of the fear that I’ve been dragging along with me for some years now. The fear of being punished for my views and what I stand for, which is equality and diversity.

Those are both good things right? Let me rephrase. For some of us, those are both good things, right? Well, it turns out that yes they are, but they’re also views that might get you in trouble. If you’re a whistleblower.

Take note – I would never call myself a whistleblower. I just try to stand up for what I believe is right. It was a good friend who called me a whistleblower. And what I do, what I blow the whistle on, so to speak, is diversity and equality within the gaming culture and the games industry.

GamerGate drove home what it means to be a member of a marginalised group and try to improve the gaming culture for said groups. Just look at how they were and still are treated by the loud minority on platforms such as twitter. It hasn’t gone away just because the papers aren’t reporting about it.

At some point in my career, I made the decision to put justice – and yes, I’m using the word justice because I believe that’s what it is – before my career. I’m not sure it was conscious, but for me it was necessary.

At some point in my life I want to be able to tell the story about What Really Happened™ at some of the places I’ve worked at, but I’m still not at a point where I feel that’s safe. I’ve had more support lately, though. I think the company I currently work for is trying really hard to be progressive.

Despite that, I sometimes get people nudging me online because of something I’ve posted that they feel is a bit dangerous to express in the gaming industry. I think part of that is because we’re just generally a secretive lot, and part of it is because the things I post here I experience as “safe” because I’ve pushed the boundaries a bit.

I’ve experienced a lot. I’ve been bullied, I’ve been gaslighted. I’ve been ignored and treated like crap. I’ve been expected to do drudge work, or assigned drudge work, because it’s much cheaper for a company if you quit of your own will.

I don’t know. This turned into a bit more of a self indulgent post than I wanted, but when I wrote this it was in the middle of the night, I had issues sleeping and this just poured out of me. Stream of consciousness.